Recrudescence

The last several weeks have been rough. Rough in regards to running, rough in regards to work--rough. I'm susceptible to occasional bouts of illogical yet crippling insecurity--illogical because it tends to originate from one tiny mishap or two, and crippling because it eventually permeates all aspects of my cognition--and a couple weeks ago it came on full force.

Self-doubt sucks. And in these previous weeks, I partook in a lot of conversations with myself that revolved around questions like Just who do you think you're fooling, saying that you're going to run 50 miles in June?

With hindsight I can logically and healthily attribute many of these self-doubts to the weather; for most of February, the Colorado Front Range has battled uncharacteristically protracted systems of snow, blistering cold and tempestuous winds. During these weeks, none of my runs felt right. One was cut in half by annoying ice. Another was shortened considerably because the tube on my hydration pack froze. I made it the full, planned length of last week's long run, but I fought gusts that howled so ferociously that intermittently I would have to stop and turn my face away from the oncoming wind just to grab a full breath of air.

These are totally first-world problems, I know, and part of the angst and self-doubt I had been experiencing derived from my--what's the right word?--disappointing reactions to the elements. Am I not tough enough for this stuff? I asked myself.

Well, maybe I wasn't being tough in the moment during some of those outings, but I find solace in two things: I was out, when surely so many had stayed in, and I'm learning. I'm growing, and it's okay if every once-in-a-while the weather conspires with everything else going on in my life to create that feeling of I really don't want to be out here running right now.

And hey! Yesterday, today, the despondency I was feeling as a result of none of my planned runs "going right" has been replaced by the loveliest of feelings: Spring Fever.

I love spring. And who doesn't? I won't describe it's attributes here, as they've been infinitely recorded and extolled in many other places, but suffice it to say that I am ready. I know, technically, that spring isn't here yet. But in Colorado, February through May brings a bizarre mix of wintry-spring-like-summery weather, and I am ready. Ready to run. I replaced a decrepit pair of road shoes on Friday, and voila! My Saturday morning run was vibrant. Bought a new pair of trail shoes yesterday, and now I'm itching to take them over to Horsetooth this afternoon for a test run. My self-doubts have melted away, and I've recovered that "I can and I will do it" mindset that is so necessary for achieving any long-term goal.

Ah, the recrudescence; the restoration of energy and motivation and determination. Lace up your shoes, folks. It's time to run.